Keep it clean. Images are okay :)

I'll start...

What do PBR and having sex in a canoe have in common?

...They're both fucking close to water!

haha, damn, i'm the worst feminist ever

What's the definition of trust?

Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Men are like bike helmets.

Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

krystenr:

WOMEN'S RIGHTS

what do you do when the kitchen light goes out?
nothing, that bitch can cook in the dark.

why dont women need wrist watches?
theres a clock on the stove.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothin', ya already told her twice.

Hahaha, like that one, Kevin.

Maybe you guys won't get this, but I think it's fucking hysterical...

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Raiders. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges but he could not find a proper quarterback. Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war scene in Afghanistan. In the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm.

He threw a grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another grenade from 50 yards down a chimney and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour. "I've got to get this guy!" the coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings the young Afghan to the U.S. and teaches him the great game of football and sure enough the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man says he'd like is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You have disappointed us. You are not my son!"

"Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son, "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"

"No! Let me tell you," his mother retorts, "at this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so that she doesn't get assaulted!"

The old woman pauses, then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland!"

What's the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales?

White fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." and black fairy tales begin with, "You muthafuckas ain't gonna belieeeeve this shit..."

Oh shit, that one's fucked!
But yeah, no sensitivities here, folks.
Don't censor yourselves.

edited happy now.

This one is from boondock saints. to be sure, this is sum fucked up shit, mayn.
so theres a white guy, a black guy and a mexican all walking along when they stumble upon a magic lamp. a genie appears and says: "I will grant each of you one wish, what will it be?" so the black guy says "I wish my people would all return to our homeland, Africa" and the genie snaps his fingers, and the black guy disappears. the Mexican guy says "I wish all my people would return to Mexico" and the genie makes it so. But when the genie comes to the white guy, the man appears to be having trouble deciding what to choose. He asks "so all the black people are gone...and same with the Mexicans?" and the genie nods his head "Yes, it is true" so the white says "I'll have a diet coke."

how do you fit 1,000,005 jews in a VW bug?

1 in the drivers seat, one riding shotgun, 3 in the back and the rest of 'em in the ashtray.

My wife's right. This may be Portland, but it's still Oregon.

Your racist jokes fucking suck.

edit: jennx, nice job representing the board to the rest of the world. Aren't you supposed to be a mod or something?

There are plenty of good jokes out there that aren't racist
Like the one about your mom

haha hah ha h...

Why can't hellen keller drive?
because she's a woman.

Why did the woman cross the road?
the better question is what was she doing outside of the kitchen.

Why do women have small feet?
so they can be closer to the sink.

Why don't women need umbrellas?
because it doesn't rain between the kitchen and the bedroom.

A panda bear walks into a bar. He orders some food, shoots another customer and leaves. When he returns, the bartender says to him, "Why did you do that last time?" The bear says, "I looked myself up in the dictionary, it says 'panda bear - eats shoots and leaves.'"

Legalize It:

Oregon is super racist.

Word. Down in Douglas County, nearly every yard had an excessively large homemade sign informing me they supported Ron Paul. Not only was it a sign for me to GTFO, it was also semi-recently, haha.

P.S.– Vanport!?

a bunch of white people telling racist jokes is not funny and in bad taste.

Why do women love jesus?

Cause he promises a 2nd coming and he's hung like this

*christ on a cross pose*

Whadda ya call jesus on jesus action?

...jesus fucking christ

Okay, seriously now...

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

hudsong:

The best joke on this board is the slow degradation of bschulz's sanity as he slips further into crutch-induced depression.

You know me too well, my friend.

white folks:

wow, I'm just hella bummed after reading that. I hope spencer or brock or anyone else with some color doesn't lump me in with you guys.

for real

Yeah, you all make a good point, but enough with self-righteousness; let's get back to the jokes, yo!

oh and if one person say oh it's cool i have some black friends i will puke.

sure, why not. i didn't mean to lump your jokes in with the ones i aint down with.

Sure them jokes about hittin women are funny until one of your female/friends starts rockin the black eye and fat lip because "he didn't really mean to" then you realize just how shitty stuf like that can be.