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Non-Bike Related: I have never felt so much pain.

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  1.  
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      CommentAuthorK_phomma
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    This has been a problem for a long time. I just need someone to talk to. My parents are splitting up and I and my sister don't know what to do. There's just too much damn shit. I'm only fucking 14. I'm starting highschool damnit. I'm just so mixed up right now. If you want to you can delete this.

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      CommentAuthorK_phomma
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    Thank you guys for all the support.

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      CommentAuthorzacp
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    thats really tough. my parents split up when i was 6. but at that age, while the impact was severe, it was different. im sorry to hear that, but understand that quite often it is better for parents to split and be happy than stay together and be miserable.

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      CommentAuthorzelah
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    That's a shitty situation. My parents split up when I was 13 or 14 I think but I was happy when they did. They fought all the time and honestly it's much more healthy to have two separate happy parents than two parents that are miserable together.

    Everyones going to say it but know it has nothing to do with you. They're still your parents, they still love you.

    And if you feel the need to talk to someone with more of a professional background than us you should bring it up, there's no shame in that.

    • CommentAuthorkrystenr
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    Kevin, I'm really impressed. I think you're bold and courageous. It's not easy to talk about your feelings with anyone, let alone people that don't know you very well. I think that you're going to find a lot of people here that you can reach out to and that will be here for you. What you're going through is, frankly, really shitty. I can't say that I can relate, but I definitely can imagine how I would dealing if I was in your situation. I think you're coping really well with everything that's been thrown at you.

    Whatever you need, let us know.

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      CommentAuthorMIN
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    Sorry to hear that. That's a tough situation.

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      CommentAuthorGilly
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    Hang in there, man. This too shall pass.

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      CommentAuthoralex
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    That sucks. My parents split up when I was 16 (although eventually got back together when I was 18). It was really hard and it helps to talk to friends who have gone through it. At 14 you probably have a lot of friends who are going through it right now and I'm sure a large percentage of people on this forum have gone through it.

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      CommentAuthorJennx
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    my parents split up when i was seventeen, but i had two little brothers that were fifteen and and twelve. It was hardest for the Twelve year old, he was closer to my dad. I was happy they got divorced to end the fighting and to put my dad into a reality check situation that he needed after 25 years of my mom being his sugar momma, (he hasn't worked since they got married, and still isn't) but my little brothers never saw/heard things that i did which made it a good thing that they didn't understand. way too much verbal abuse mixed with the rare physical that didn't come out in front of my brothers so my dad could put on the he's not at fault and doesn't know why mom is leaving him, in front of them.

    hang in there man, you'll get through it!!!

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      CommentAuthorgrimm
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008 edited
     

    My parents got divorced when I was way young (like 3 or 4). So I obviously dont recall the split up, but I had a lot of bouncing around from one house to another. When I was young I totally didnt get it, it kind of messed with my head why I didnt have a normal family and why they didnt love each other. Nearly two decades later and after being married for 4 years I get it. First off my Dad is a pot head and my Mom is a never organized mess, but both with other sets of real good other qualities. But it just didnt fit. That and relationships are hard, resolving conflicts and staying in love with someone while life throws all the sh*t it can at you is a formidable task. And at some point staying in a relationship is not what is needed for both people to live happy healthy lives.

    So my advice to you Kevin is to know its not your fault, be honest with what you are okay with time split up or which parent you want to live with. Its your life too, and your old enough to have a voice in the process (maybe not legally, but if they have any respect for you theyll listen). When things are messing with me I have a tendency to bury myself in my work, it helps me to keep my mind occupied. I dont know if its 100% healthy, but its worked for me so far. So dont sit around with nothing to do but think about the things troubling you. Ride your bike, get a job, volunteer or something. Good luck man. Itll be rough but with some time itll will all settle down, feel normal and maybe even be better than before.

  11.  

    just know you got homie here that give a fuck about you. and know your parents are just people, not perfect, trying to figure shit out.

    as a divorcee, i know marriage does not come with an instruction manual. you just wing it and hope fr the best.

    just remember if it gets too bad, call one of us up and ride.

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      CommentAuthorK_phomma
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    Well, we're discussing about this stuff with my uncle and we'll see were it flows.

  13.  

    hey man, it sounds like you already have a lot of support. But my parents split up when I was 6. My sister and i were split apart as well because my mom couldn't afford to take us both, so i lived with my dad and sister with mom.

    I was angry for many years, up into highschool. And then as i matured and experienced relationships on my own, I realized that parents are only human. they make the same fucked up mistakes as everyone else, they change as people throughout their whole lives just like everyone else, and they get their hearts broken like everyone else too.

    Putting types of relationships in life, be it friendships, lovers, sisters, co workers into this aspect really helps. You can't force people to jive well with each other. You can't feel guilty about not relating with your siblings, or when your mom and dad fall out of love. Everyone in your family will eventually end up happier healthier people even if it hurts a lot now.

    My favorite kinda cheesy motto that I sorta live by is that Winter pays for Summer. You have to have she shit to get the good stuff. Ya dig? Hang in there :)

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      CommentAuthorRyan
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    sorry to hear this.... just stay strong and hang in there, ride your bike, i find its the best way to think stuff through.

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      CommentAuthorK_phomma
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     

    Alright, It would seem to be that they're not splitting up. But I'll just wait and see.

    Or ride.

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      CommentAuthortoa3t
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2008 edited
     

    hopefully our generation that went through childhood with a 50% divorce rate makes some better choices when we grow up and have kids.

    mine split when i was in like third grade, the courts made the stereotypical "give custody to the mom" so i spent the next five years moving a bunch and dealing with an atmosphere of drugs and alcohol while seeing my dad every other weekend even though he was the one with the stable home and job and BAC and such.

    yea, a normal, boring, loving home is awesome and is something every kid should have.

    my best advice is to talk to other family if you can. then friends/counselors/teachers/preachers/rabbis. riding works too, but i never was able to get much relief from it personally, for whatever reason.

  17.  

    counseling. it works. really well. both my parents are LCSW's and they help lots o folks. they can also help with good recommendations for you if you need one. whisper me.

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      CommentAuthorAmy
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2008
     

    I don't really know you at all.. But having grown up and lived my preteen and teenage years over the internet sharing my feelings on livejournal and asking message boards what to do in my life... Here's my $0.02:

    Honestly.. not to be too heartless.. but your situation will be worse if they stay together for you and your sister's sake. My parents stayed together for years for two reasons.. (1) my super christian grandma and (2) "the kids" .. but I will speak for me and my FIVE siblings and say we were just WAITING for the day after growing up admist screaming and fighting. Parents, despite having created you and being responsible for your upbringing, also have to look out for themselves sometimes. If they are not happy, it will undoubtably be reflected in your living situation. The chasm between my parents created chaos in our house. So.. it isn't up to me, and I know very little about your situation, but you will adjust. It will not be easy. But you'll make it and as you grow up, understand it a lot more.

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